thirdhour.org/blog/life/mormon-culture/working-moms/
Women in the Church have it hard. I remember being told in Young Women’s that we should follow the prophet’s counsel and pursue an education, but there were parameters. We needed to find a career that we would not only love but also one with a flexible schedule so that we could be working moms if needed. To this day, I still struggle with myself over career versus romantic relationships. As a single, young adult woman, both marriage and career are important to me. But while I do have some control over the fate of my career, there is no guarantee I will get married. There is a chance that for the rest of my life, I will rely on my career and finances alone. So I focus on my career and education, pursuing internships and opportunities one after another. But do I stop dating? No. I continue to try my luck with dating, doing what I can to work towards marriage. While a relationship requires two individuals to both mutually agree to be there together, my career is dependent on me, myself, and I—no one else. The World We Live In Pew Research Center recently conducted a survey on Marriage and Cohabitation in the U.S. and the results were shocking. The survey found that most Americans do not believe marriage is essential to living a fulfilled life. While only 16% of men and 17% of women said being married was essential, 57% of men and 46% of women said having a job or career they enjoy was essential to a fulfilled life. In today’s society, the family has slowly become less and less important. The rise of feminism and the rise in the cost of living have led more and more women to work. Focusing on the family has become less important, as our world has become more materially focused. So what can we do when we are deciding whether to work or not as mothers? We want to make sure our families are taken care of, but we also might need to work. Looking to Our Leaders We currently have wonderful women who lead and guide our Relief Society. These women are examples to me of what I should strive to be in my life. Four of the ten women hold graduate degrees. Four of the ten are stay-at-home moms. Nine of the ten work outside of the home. Many of these women have not only been wives and mothers but also have impressive resumes. Before becoming a director in the Publishing Services Department of the Church, Sister Browning previously worked at Morgan Stanley, a global investment bank. Sister Draper earned a master’s degree from Fordham University and currently works for LDS Family Services. Sister Mullen serves on the Relief Society board but continues to teach at Brigham Young University. Each of these women has a different background. Each of them has taken a different path to get to be where they are now. I believe they are stellar examples of wonderful wives and working moms whom we can look up to and strive to be like. Between You and the Lord While The Family: A Proclamation to the World specifies roles for fathers and mothers, it does NOT state that earning money is specific to one gender. I believe that as long as each of the responsibilities detailed in the Proclamation is being fulfilled, the Lord does not care WHO takes care of what responsibility. In fact, the Proclamation says that fathers and mothers should work together as equal partners, so why can’t both parents work? “Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. ” – The Family: A Proclamation to the World Related: Members of the Church Need to STOP Saying These 6 Things The War Between Women Seeking for my own guidance, I turned to three women who chose different paths for their lives: a full-time working mother, a part-time working mother, and a full-time stay-at-home mother. What I found was that all women experience guilt of some kind regardless of which career path they chose. Working moms say they feel guilty for leaving their children day after day to return to work, guilt for having another person raise their children, guilt for missing out on their child’s life. They feel like the world judges them for leaving their family behind. Stay-at-home mothers feel guilty when they are asked, “What do you do for work?” and they respond, “I am a stay-at-home mom.” They feel like the world judges them for not contributing to society when in reality, the work that is done in the home is some of the most important work in the world. Their hard work isn’t rewarded with promotions or recognition. Rather than have a war between women, we should look at one another with less judgment and more love. You are a daughter of a king and nothing you do can diminish your worth. The only opinion that really matters is that of our Heavenly Father. Our feedback to others should be out of love and understanding. A Mother’s Decision to Work Regardless of your opinion on this issue, I believe we can all agree that parenting should be the most important job an adult with children has. Kids deserve to live in a home where they are loved and taken care of. The way that each household makes that work is a personal decision, one that may take lots of prayer and fasting. While most Americans may not think marriage is essential to a fulfilling life, a Pew survey from 2018 found that 69% of people were likely to mention family when describing what provides them with a sense of meaning. I believe we all need to be more accepting of one another’s decisions and to stop judging. Stop judging women who break the traditional mold and decide to become working moms, and stop judging women who decide to stay home and be full-time moms. We should let each husband and wife decide what is best for their own family. That decision is between the couple and the Lord. If the woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom, wonderful! Motherhood is a dying and an underappreciated career path. If the woman wants to work, wonderful! Women are needed and valuable in the workplace. Whatever you, your spouse, and the Lord decide is best for you, your family, and your life is what you should pursue. Only you can receive revelation on the path for your life.
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thirdhour.org/blog/life/holidays/thanksgiving/7-ways-to-be-thankful/
For some, the Thanksgiving season evokes feelings of happiness and love, but for others, Thanksgiving can be a harsh reminder of the empty chairs, both literally and symbolically, that are present in our lives. During certain seasons of our lives, it can be hard to feel grateful for what little we feel like we have. To help us find gratefulness in our hearts, let’s look at 7 ways to be thankful when you feel like you can’t be. 1. Serve Others I have found that serving others helps me put my own trials into perspective. It doesn’t feel like it makes sense, but I promise it does. When you take the time to look around you and notice the struggles of others, you realize you are not the only one who has trials. In 2017, Time published an article titled The Secret to Happiness Is Helping Otherswhich explains that there is scientific evidence that supports the idea that giving is a gateway to both personal growth and long-lasting happiness. Service takes on many forms. Service can be done by simply giving a genuine compliment or offering a smile to a stranger, or something that requires more preparation, such as serving a meal at a hospital or giving out bagged meals to the homeless. Another one of my favorite past-times during the Thanksgiving season is to handwrite thank-you notes. Writing thank-you notes helps me remember all of the wonderful people in my life and all they have done for me. 2. Surround Yourself With Others When you do not have immediate family nearby to celebrate with, it is easy to think you are alone. Don’t let yourself believe this! Invite over your friends who feel like family for your Thanksgiving feast. Or, look around your community and see if there are others who are in need of a family to spend the holiday with. Help them realize they too are not alone. 3. Find the Joy in the Little Things Although you may feel like there are not big things in your life that you can be thankful for, I would encourage you to be thankful for the tender mercies we see every day of our lives. Taking time to be grateful for the simple things, which are often overlooked, such as modern technology, running water, and clothing will help remind us how many simple things we have to be thankful for. For me, I find joy in the small moments like when I shuffle my music and one of my favorite songs comes on, or when I randomly pick out a blue Sour Patch Kid (my favorite), or when I see a dog enjoying a walk. Recognizing the small moments which bring us joy is a simple way to remind ourselves of all of the good we are surrounded by. Pro Tip: During the month of November, I like to write down a list of things I am grateful for each night in a gratitude journal. Writing in a gratitude journal helps me recognize every day all of the things I have to be grateful for. It helps me focus each day on recognizing the good, instead of focusing on my trials. 4. Be Thankful for You This can be a tough tip to want to follow, especially in times of trial, but hear me out. Regardless of your infirmities, you have a body. You are able to experience life in this body. The spirit that inhabits this body is constantly learning, developing, and growing. Be grateful for what your body can do, rather than looking at things we wish we could change. As we learn in Matthew 25, God has blessed each of us with various talents. It is important to recognize what these talents are and continue to develop them. Take a moment to sit down and ask God to remind you of your many gifts. Then, list out these God-given talents and your favorite things about yourself. Start with five things. Take that list and continue to grow it. Hang it up somewhere you will see it every day. Remind yourself of the many qualities you have been blessed with and chose to be thankful for them. 5. Read Uplifting Material There are countless talks out there about being grateful. To help prepare myself for the Thanksgiving season, I try and read a talk a day about gratitude. One of my favorite talks is called Grateful in Any Circumstances by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. One of my favorite things which he said was: “Those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace, and understanding.” How beautiful is that! By being thankful, we can find relief from our trials. Some countless other talks and forums also focus on gratefulness and offer more wisdom on this topic. Related: 10 Reasons to Be Grateful Right Now 6. Celebrate Your Victories, Big or Small Every day, we accomplish things, big or small. Some days we need to celebrate the tiniest of things that took a lot of motivation, such as getting out of bed, brushing your hair, or eating a meal. While this may seem silly, it is important to recognize what you have accomplished. Not everyone can see or will understand how certain days, doing the seemingly basic things is actually a huge victory. Be gentle with yourself. This is also a wonderful opportunity to reflect on all you have accomplished thus far in this lifetime. Take the time to be thankful for previous trials that have made you the person you are now and for the lessons learned. 7. Pray for a Thankful Heart I have found that one of the biggest things that has helped me when I find it hard to be thankful is to turn to God. We can pray for a grateful heart, hoping to find more things that we can be thankful for. Pray for the eyes to see the good things in our lives. We can also pray to be His hands. Pray for opportunities to serve those around you. We are instructed to become like Jesus Christ as we progress on this earth. Jesus constantly served others, specifically those who couldn’t serve Him back. We should look for opportunities to lift others and bring them closer to Christ. There is a story that tells about a statue of Jesus Christ which was damaged during a bombing in World War II. When the townspeople found the statue, they realized the hands of the statue had been so severely damaged, they could not be restored. Some wanted to hire a sculptor to make new hands, but they ultimately left the statue as is. A small adjustment was made the base of the statue – a sign was added with the words: “You are my hands.” Let us ask and pray to be His hands. Sometimes it feels as though we can’t shut out our problems to focus on what we can be thankful for. Having gratitude during the Thanksgiving season is sometimes hard, but it is not impossible. |